Ladies and gentlemen, hoboes and tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,
I come before you to stand behind you,
To tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, this is Good Friday,
There will be a Mother’s Day meeting for fathers only;
Admission is free, so pay at the door,
Pull up a seat and sit on the floor.
We will discuss a story you’ve all heard before.
One bright morning, in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys, got up to fight,
They lived on the corner, in the middle of the block
On the second floor, of a vacant lot.
One had a fiddle, one had a drum,
And one had a pancake stuck to his bum,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each another,
One was blind and the other couldn’t see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout “hooray!”
A paralyzed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,
A mute onlooker shrieked in fright
And a lame man danced at the ghastly sight
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
One dead boy who had no feet
Began to run down the street.
The other dead boy who could not talk,
Said "Oh Policeman let me walk."
If you don’t believe this little lie is true
Ask the blind man he saw it too!